Thursday, April 26, 2012

Check In 19 weeks

19 weeks, 459 miles of travel that my heart feels good about.  That's cool stuff.  It has been raining like crazy!  Thank goodness of rubbery clothing and those serendipitous moments of still clouds.
I have been thinking a lot this week about my concepts of what I need.  I think I have to be the kind of mom that offers her child all these opportunities and things and I keep feeling short sheeted when those places and things are places that I cannot get to.  What kind of a mother am I? (Runs through my head)  And then when I calm down, I realize that everything I think I should be and or have comes from this previous model of who I cannot be now.  It was never a good model to start with.  It's a model of over consumption that seems sustainable because I have only my little window of life to see through.  But, this model is a error.  I am so glad we have made a long term commitment because I think it will take that long to reprogram myself.  When we stay at home and do simple things like bake bread or watch outside our kitchen window waiting to see if we see a hummingbird, that's the good stuff.  The best thing I can offer my child is me.  Time laughing, reading, baking, talking and even being still and quiet together is the real gift.

Thanks friends.  Seek goodness.


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